Misalignment Wasn't Punishment. It Showed Me What I Was Ignoring.
Happy New Year!
I hope you all had a lovely one and enjoyed some much needed rest.
The next series of blogs are going to explore the personal themes I’ve navigated in misalignment.
I was reflecting on my misalignment journey over the Christmas period in particular my pivot away from parenting to supporting women in business who want to create a business that’s aligned, sustainable and a direct expression of who they are as a person.
So let’s get right into it.
I remember clear as day telling my husband how excited I was to start supporting women in business maybe through their marketing as an initial thought. He responded and said “Babe, it’s a good idea but I actually think you will be more successful in the parenting space”
That one sentence sent me into a sea of doubt quicker than you could blink. It did this for a few reasons:
My husband was a well versed business man and was experienced in knowing what works and what doesn’t
This was my first shot at business and I lacked confidence and self trust
I wasn’t fully connected to my intuition and I certainly wasn’t embodying my design
If I was, I would have listened to my intuition and respectfully disregarded my husbands advice. But I trusted him, over what my intuition had already subtly communicated to me. My intuition was soft almost non existence. He was loud self assured, it was a no brainer.
So I set up and off I went trying to establish myself as an authority in this space. I joined Facebook groups advertising my services, offered sales, offered bundles. Nothing, not a single enquiry. I then thought maybe it’s because it’s niche Human Design, I need to introduce the concept first in a workshop. So I set up the workshop and I had 0 sign ups. Yes you read that right 0. I was 3 months in and feeling heavier than I could articulate. I had gone from feeling optimistic to this shit isn’t going to work. I was stumped, I couldn’t work out what I was doing wrong. In hindsight I now recognise that I also wasn’t visible on my socials either, which probably didn’t help my cause at all.
Around the same time I was planning the workshop I had started my podcast and was talking about the emotional dynamics in families through Human Design. I recorded this episode and really liked what I had put together and then I deleted it by accident arghhh.
I couldn’t recreate it and it just felt heavy. It was supposed to be a 2 part series but I didn’t want to do it. That feeling was misalignment. So rather than force it, I honoured it and I grabbed the mic and spoke about what I wanted to.
This was the shift. Unbeknown to be at the time I had just made an aligned step forward and was in the midst of navigating misalignment.
That episode was the crucial turning point. It gave me something that my logic mind could never. It allowed me to feel what becoming aligned actually felt like, and for me that was doing something that genuinely lit me up.
It showed me what listening to my hearts desires not my conditioned desires actually gave me in real life. It reminded me that I had a CHOICE. Nothing was an obligation, that was merely my perception of the situation. It removed the guilt and gave me the permission to start again. I was no longer feeling like a failure. I felt light expansive optimistic again, but more importantly I felt aligned, I felt like me, the real me.
That authenticity was deeply felt. This was one of my highest downloaded episodes. Which I believe was because of the internal shift. I was no longer creating from obligation. I was creating from my hearts desire, and truly leveraging my Human Design.
What was interesting for me was my Human Design. Here was something that I was introducing into other women’s lives, but hadn’t actually learned how to embody it at all. I had taken the theory and put it on like a coat and off I went thinking it would just click into place but it didn’t. I didn’t know it at the time, until I was in misalignment.
My Human Design told me two very important and distinct qualities about how I’m designed to show up in my business, and in turn how I achieve success.
I’m a generator, which means I’m here to build and create what lights me up, not what feels heavy or drains me.
I’m a 6/2 profile. That 6 line is all about embodied wisdom over time, which means I have to have lived it before I can speak/guide on it. I don’t create success through theory, it’s my lived experience.
But this was wrapped in walls of conditioning. I didn’t believe I was old enough to be wise and felt like why on earth would people want my insights….I’m no Albert Einstein or anything.
So I resisted talking about my unique perspective on alignment. I resisted the thing that was so easy and natural for me to express, which was another gift of my profile, my 2 line the hermit.
This was the true breakthrough for me. People are drawn to me because of my lived experience and that is what they want to learn about, through my guidance and teachings, not the theory of Human Design, but what embodying becoming aligned actually means in real life.
When we allow our conditioning to take hold like this, we make unaligned decisions from a place of lack and scarcity, just like I did. Confidence isn’t something we just acquire it’s a journey that often comes through lived experiences.
Now I know this, I allow my intuition to be the guiding force from within and these key aspects are integrated in my business and strategy. But the most important thing is that it feels like a natural extension and expression of who I am. I do it unconsciously.
This is what it truly means to embody your design and alignment. It’ the art of surrendering and letting go and trusting in what cannot be seen or perceived.
We are often taught to fear misalignment and almost be embarrassed about our failures, peppering them with “it didn’t work out BUT i got clarity” like it’s something that we didn’t need. When the truth is, it’s exactly what we need to enable us to move forward.
Everything you do or create should start from a place of clarity. We can’t make aligned decisions if we don’t know how to use our intuition or how it personally communicates to us.
We are often taught that true power resides externally but it’s internal. Your intuition already knows the road map ahead, it just needs you and your conscious mind onboard to fulfil your life’s purpose.
That “just” can be one of the scariest things you experience. It’s almost like learning to ride a bike and you realise that your parent is no longer pushing the bike and they’ve had the audacity to remove the stabilisers!
It’s terrifying for the first few seconds. The bike is so wobbly and all you can think about is how much it will hurt when you fall and how awful your parents are for doing this to you.
Then something beautiful happens, we come out of the future back into the present moment and we feel deep joy. We feel freedom, pride and the sheer thrill of the situation. The fear changes into a full embodied experience that just takes us with it, unapologetically.
This is what the journey of becoming aligned looks like in real life. Misalignment is felt deep within, it’s not external to us but sometimes it can feel that way because of the perceived lack of control and sheer overwhelm it can bring with it.
But just like my personal example and the bike analogy above, if you can stay the course, and look beyond the discomfort you’ll find the true meaning and in turn your clarity and next aligned step.
When you have some downtime take a look at the questions below and notice what comes up for you. Where do you feel these responses in your body and how do they feel?
Reflections
What has been the most challenging thing about self trust for you?
Do you feel connected to your intuition?
How did you make your last big decision? when you reflect, how does this feel in your body?
How do you know if you’ve made an misaligned decision, what are the key thing you look out for?
If this has spoken to you on any level today, I’d love to welcome you into my community Becoming Aligned.
